Swirly Sand
Sometimes people with many items of financial wealth don’t realize which are more important, items or experiences. I guess it is just the way you look at it. How does anyone know what is important? So why is it that some people feel that items, are more important than experiences?
It’s Saturday morning. I wake up but nobody else is up yet. I decide that I am going to play some video games on my Playstation 2. I grab my madden game turn on the Playstation and put it in. I start to play the game by playing an exhibition game. I play an easy team so I can crush them. I end up winning the game seventy seven to zero. I decide to play them one more time to see if I can beat my score. In the first quarter I have one hundred and fifty passing yards, and ninety seven rushing yards. The score after the first quarter is twenty one to zero. The second quarter my numbers increase. I end up with four hundred passing yards at the end of the first half, and the score is forty nine to zero. I laugh to myself as I start the second half. I completely destroy them in the second half. In the second half I have five hundred fifty passing yards and two hundred and thirty rushing yards. The final score is me, eighty, them zero. I go downstairs to see if anybody is up yet, still nobody. So I go back upstairs to watch my favorite movie, the SpongeBob SquarePants movie. After I watch it I go downstairs and everybody is up now, but they ate breakfast without me.
“Hey Tom, let’s play a game,” My cousin Mikey said.
“Ok, what is the game?” I ask Mikey.
“I bury the football, and you have to find it.” Mikey answered.
“I don’t know what if we can’t find it?” I ask again.
“Don’t worry I will remember where I bury it.” Mikey replied.
“You sure?” I ask.
“Yes” Mikey answered.
“Ok then, I’ll go over there and wait for you to bury it.” I said as I started to walk away. I wait about ten minutes and then Mikey told me he had buried the ball. I walk over to him. I dug about ten holes took a break, and then dug ten more.
“Ok I can’t find it anywhere Mikey, where is it?” I asked Mikey.
“Just look for a swirl in the ground and then dig there, that is where I buried the football.” Mikey answered me.
I looked around and I saw about fifty swirls. I dug in about ten of them and then said, “Mikey there is about fifty swirls here”
“Oh yeah I made some decoy holes.” Mikey said.
So I dug in all the swirls I saw. The football was nowhere to be found. “Mikey just tell me where it is.” I say.
“Yeah well the thing is I don’t remember where it is, after you dug the first hole I completely forgot.” We kept on looking but we never found the football.
I value my Playstation and when my cousin buried his football in different, but similar ways. I value my Playstation, which is slim and black, because it gives me something to do when I am bored. I can watch movies, play video games, and I can also listen to music on it. Also, because it has an usb port I can charge my iPod on it which is useful when my IPod is dead. Also, I value my Playstation because I can use it repeatedly. Unless I sell it, which I doubt I will unless I get the new Playstation, I can always use it. My Playstation is not my most valuable possession, my guitar is, but is worth probably ninety dollars now, but when I got it was one hundred and fifty dollars. I value my experience because it makes me laugh when I’m hanging out with my cousin, who buried the football. And it is also hilarious because I have never heard of anybody doing what my cousin did. What made it even funnier was it was a good football, but not anymore. I prefer my Playstation over the experience because it is reoccurring and I can use it whenever I am home.
I prefer my Playstation over the experience because i can constantly use it. My experience only happened once and i doubt that it will happen again. My playstation is also fun and gives me something to do when i am bored. My experience is fun to talk about, but only when i am around family, if theres no one around what am i going to do, tell it to myself? No i am going to play my playstation.
Sometimes people with many items of financial wealth don’t realize which are more important, items or experiences. I guess it is just the way you look at it. How does anyone know what is important? So why is it that some people feel that items, are more important than experiences?
It’s Saturday morning. I wake up but nobody else is up yet. I decide that I am going to play some video games on my Playstation 2. I grab my madden game turn on the Playstation and put it in. I start to play the game by playing an exhibition game. I play an easy team so I can crush them. I end up winning the game seventy seven to zero. I decide to play them one more time to see if I can beat my score. In the first quarter I have one hundred and fifty passing yards, and ninety seven rushing yards. The score after the first quarter is twenty one to zero. The second quarter my numbers increase. I end up with four hundred passing yards at the end of the first half, and the score is forty nine to zero. I laugh to myself as I start the second half. I completely destroy them in the second half. In the second half I have five hundred fifty passing yards and two hundred and thirty rushing yards. The final score is me, eighty, them zero. I go downstairs to see if anybody is up yet, still nobody. So I go back upstairs to watch my favorite movie, the SpongeBob SquarePants movie. After I watch it I go downstairs and everybody is up now, but they ate breakfast without me.
“Hey Tom, let’s play a game,” My cousin Mikey said.
“Ok, what is the game?” I ask Mikey.
“I bury the football, and you have to find it.” Mikey answered.
“I don’t know what if we can’t find it?” I ask again.
“Don’t worry I will remember where I bury it.” Mikey replied.
“You sure?” I ask.
“Yes” Mikey answered.
“Ok then, I’ll go over there and wait for you to bury it.” I said as I started to walk away. I wait about ten minutes and then Mikey told me he had buried the ball. I walk over to him. I dug about ten holes took a break, and then dug ten more.
“Ok I can’t find it anywhere Mikey, where is it?” I asked Mikey.
“Just look for a swirl in the ground and then dig there, that is where I buried the football.” Mikey answered me.
I looked around and I saw about fifty swirls. I dug in about ten of them and then said, “Mikey there is about fifty swirls here”
“Oh yeah I made some decoy holes.” Mikey said.
So I dug in all the swirls I saw. The football was nowhere to be found. “Mikey just tell me where it is.” I say.
“Yeah well the thing is I don’t remember where it is, after you dug the first hole I completely forgot.” We kept on looking but we never found the football.
I value my Playstation and when my cousin buried his football in different, but similar ways. I value my Playstation, which is slim and black, because it gives me something to do when I am bored. I can watch movies, play video games, and I can also listen to music on it. Also, because it has an usb port I can charge my iPod on it which is useful when my IPod is dead. Also, I value my Playstation because I can use it repeatedly. Unless I sell it, which I doubt I will unless I get the new Playstation, I can always use it. My Playstation is not my most valuable possession, my guitar is, but is worth probably ninety dollars now, but when I got it was one hundred and fifty dollars. I value my experience because it makes me laugh when I’m hanging out with my cousin, who buried the football. And it is also hilarious because I have never heard of anybody doing what my cousin did. What made it even funnier was it was a good football, but not anymore. I prefer my Playstation over the experience because it is reoccurring and I can use it whenever I am home.
I prefer my Playstation over the experience because i can constantly use it. My experience only happened once and i doubt that it will happen again. My playstation is also fun and gives me something to do when i am bored. My experience is fun to talk about, but only when i am around family, if theres no one around what am i going to do, tell it to myself? No i am going to play my playstation.
7 comments:
That was a very good essay Tom. i thought it was really funny how you and your cousin cound never find the ball. i wonder where it is right now. but i could tell that you were talking about him hiding the football and how much you value your playstation.
I think that the value that was described the best through out the whole essay was how much you love your playstation. I have a playstation and i value it just as much as you.
I think your best strength in the essay was introduction. The intro is what grabs the readers attention, and this one grabbed me. i read it and i just wanted to keep reading on and on. It was just so good i couldn't keep away.
I would advise you to re-read your essay. there was a couple of mistakes in there that you could get if you re-read before Mr. BG checks it. But overall Good Job Tom.
Nice essay Tom.... ( i bet mines better jkjkjkjkjkjk ). I think that you were saying that even the most hilarious stuff to other people, can be valuable to you. I was cracking up when i read that your cousin forgot where he hid the football. It reminds me of something i would do. You value your play station a lot too and i could tell that by reading your essay.
The item that i think you best described had to definitely be your play station. That thing seems like its the cheese in your macaroni. Who knows what you would do without it. You did a great job describing what you use it for, and how you use it so much. I love how you described the different features that it holds, like the I pod charger, and how it plays movies. That was a great detail that you included in there. Nice job.
I think that the strongest things you had in your essay were the description. BEAUTIFUL JOB!!!!! you did such a great job explaining all the parts of your play station and what the holes looked like that your cousin buried the ball in. "I can watch movies, play video games, and I can also listen to music on it. Also, because it has an USB port I can charge my I Pod on it which is useful when my I Pod is dead." I love how you put this in your essay. You used description so nicely in this part and it made me really visualize what this play station must look like.
The best advice i can give you is to proof- read it. Go over it and check for spelling and grammar mistakes. It will pay off in the end believe me. You had a couple spelling mistakes here and there and could tweak a couple things here and there but overall i really enjoyed your essay. =)
HAHAHAHAHA...i just thought id let you know that your cousin is my new hero! taht is totally siomethign i would do too! lol tell him hes my favoritee.
The author is trying to say that items and experiences are both important but in very differnt ways. He values both, but he likes his playstation 2 more!
I thought that the priceless moment was very welly described. I really liekd the way you showed a dialogue between you and your cousin Mikey because that gave the reader a better sense of what was going on.
I believe the biggest strength in this essay was the description of the moment. I also like the title, "Swirly Sand". When I first read the title, I had no clue what to expect. Knowing you as we do, Jiayin and I predicted that you woulod write about baseball and toast...but we were wrong. I kind of expected somethign about Spongebob though! :)
The only things I think you could do better and revise would be the description of your playstation, the conclusion and defining your paragraphs.
Good job!
p.s. i like both things equally but i hate being cold. and i odnt remember writing that i liek my computer better? lol :)
1. I feel that the author is trying to say that people who have a lot of things of financial worth often don’t really care about moments or daily routines. They only care about how much money they have and all the expensive things they can buy with it. I feel the author values his play station more than his memory of loosing the football with his cousin because his play station is reoccurring. .
2. I feel that the play station was most vividly and clearly described. I feel this way because he talked about what he used it for and how much he beat another team by in one of his games. “The second quarter my numbers increase. I end up with four hundred passing yards at the end of the first half,” I liked this quote because it really described what was going on in the game, and how much fun he was having playing it.
3. I feel that your introduction was your essays strength. Here are some quote from your introduction that I liked in particular. “Sometimes people with many items of financial wealth don’t realize which are more important, items or experiences,” and “So why is it that some people feel that items, are more important than experiences?” I liked these quotes because they really make the reader think about what they are reading.
4. What do you think would happen if you took out some of the dialogue from the football story, and turned into more of story, instead of all dialogue. I feel this would be the best way to improve your essay other than that your essay was overall pretty good just fix some grammatical errors and you are golden.
Nice essay Tommy! =D Swirly Sand still makes me giggle. Kinda makes me wonder where the football is... but anyway. I think its obvious that your Ps2 is much more important to you. (oh and by the way.. i never knew it could charge ipods. thanks for saying that. hahaha)
I like how you described how you would wake up early just to play your game and watch spongebob movies on your playstation. I find it hilarious but I used to do the same thing and sometimes still do... just not the spongebob movie part.
I think the strongest part of your essay was the beginning. Just because it caught my attention (not that thats hard to grab.. haha) but it made me want to keep reading. so thats a good thing. (:
Only advice would be to maybe add something to the swirly sand piece. For some reason it seems incomplete to me. But otherwise, it was good! Great Job Tom!! =D
I found your essay to be pretty funny. The fact that a Playstation is a major source of laughter is quite cool. I also liked that a football was buried and will probably never be found. Those two valuables were very well written about.
The playstation was definitely better described purely because it is the easier option. Since a moment in time can sometimes be forgotten, its easier to describe something you can see everyday.
I found your comparison section to be quite well written. It made me realize that experiences and objects can be similar. It was a good part of the essay.
Finally, i liked your essay, but i found a couple of grammatical mistakes and you should go back and fix them. Otherwise, i liked the essay. One other thing, why play against an easy team in Madden? Dude, at least pick someone better than the Lions.
THIS ESSAY WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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